Indigo Wellbeing

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Parental burnout occurs when there is an imbalance between the level of stress and the resources one has to manage that stress. It has become a common yet under-discussed aspect of parenting in modern day life. Although every generation of parents have found aspects of parenting exhausting and stressful, changes to modern day ways of living and recent events have increased the pressures on the current generation of parents of infants, children, and adolescents. For instance, an increase in living mobility has meant that individuals are more frequently parenting without the support of family or close friends. After all, as a species, children are supposed to be raised by "the village". The introduction and normalisation of screens and social media has brought new challenges for our growing children and teens, frequently affecting their connection to parents in the home as well as their mental wellbeing, behaviour, sleep, and concentration. It has also brought about additional pressures on parents as the social pressures on parents, particularly mothers, that have lingered from past generations show up in large scale social media. Where before we would engage in social comparison with smaller social circles of ten or so individuals, social media allows for large scale comparison to hundreds of images largely skewed towards projecting parenting's "best moments" and parental perfection. This can make us question whether we are doing a "good enough" job of parenting. The increase in housing affordability and impacts of COVID has exerted additional financial pressures on many households, resulting in parents not being able to balance their life in the way that is best for themselves. The list for many parents goes on..... meeting a new baby's needs, sleep deprivation, conflicts with teens, work, changing roles, school activities, after school activities, taxi-ing teens, school administration, getting kids into the preferred kindergarten/school, birthday parties, COVID lockdowns...... it is no wonder parents are exhausted of their role. 

 

It is easy to see how being in a state of burnout can perpetuate as parents withdrawal from their kids to attempt some form of recovery but then swing to feeling guilt and shame around not experiencing fulfilment as a parent. Or children's behaviours escalate as parents feel too exhausted to continue the difficult task of consistent balanced responding, instead withdrawing or resorting to more punitive punishments that can again result in guilt, shame, lower mood, more exhaustion, and a subsequent exacerbation of children's behaviours. 

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Parental burnout can occur with any parent however it is more frequently experienced in particular situations including:

• Single parents

• Individualistic cultures

• Parents of children with special needs

• Parents who have immigrated or moved away from their home city/town

• Parents with unrealistic expectations of themselves or perfectionistic tendencies

• Parents with pre-existing mental health concerns

• Parents with additional life stressors

• Parents with a history of trauma